Fixing relationship problems tip #4: Develop your playful side

It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side. If you find yourself limiting your playfulness, it's possible that you're self-conscious and concerned about how you'll look and sound to others when you attempt to be funny or witty.
Fearing rejection or ridicule when attempting to be funny is an understandable fear, but it's important to point out that as a baby, you were naturally playful; you didn't worry about the reactions of other people. You can reclaim your inborn playfulness by setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes.

• Monitor your partner’s nonverbal cues. If your partner is not appreciating or enjoying your attempts at humor, you’ll be able to tell from his or her body language. Does her smile seem fake or forced? Is he leaning away from you or leaning towards you, encouraging you to continue?
• Avoid mean-spirited humor. It may work for some comedians on stage, but used one-on-one at home, it will not only fall flat but may also damage your relationship. Saying something hurtful or insulting, even when framed as a joke, will alienate the other person and weaken the bond between you.
• Create inside jokes. An inside joke is something that only the two of you understand. It can often be reduced to a word or short phrase that reminds you both of a funny incident or amusing story, and is usually guaranteed to generate a smile or laugh from the other person. When you and your partner are the only ones “in” on the joke, it can create intimacy and draw you together.
• Don’t be afraid to “play the fool. ” Remember, you’re not trying to impress or entertain your partner, but simply to lighten up and make the two of you more relaxed. Goof around, wear wacky clothing, be silly like a kid. It can lower your partner’s defenses, relieve tension, and help you to smooth over differences.

It’s safe to start with self-deprecating humor

If you’re uncomfortable with making lighthearted banter or cracking jokes, or you struggle to know what’s appropriate in any given situation, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who don’t take themselves too seriously and are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. After all, we’re all flawed and we all make mistakes. So if you’re having a bad hair day or you’ve just spilled coffee over yourself, make a joke about it. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.
Once you’re comfortable making jokes about yourself, you can broaden your range to include other types of humor.

Cultivating your sense of humor and playfulness

The process of learning to play depends on your preferences. Begin by observing what you already do that borders on fun or playful. For example, you may like to:

• Tell or listen to jokes
• Watch funny movies or TV shows
• Dance around to cheesy music when you’re alone
• Sing playfully in the shower
• Daydream
• Read the funny pages/comic strips

After you recognize playful things you already enjoy, you can try to incorporate more humorous activities into your relationships. The important thing is to find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature with other people.

Another excellent way to get in touch with your playful side is to practice with "experts”:

• Play with animals. Puppies, kittens, and other animals—both young and old—are eager playmates and always ready to frolic. Make play dates with friends’ pets, stop to play with a friendly animal in your neighborhood, or consider getting a pet of your own.
• Play with babies and young children. The real authorities in human play are children, especially young children. Playing with children who know and trust you is a wonderful way to learn from the experts.
• Interact playfully with customer service people. Most people in the service industry are social and you’ll find that many will welcome playful banter. Try your wit out on a friendly cashier, receptionist, waiter, hostess, or salesperson.

As humor and play become an integrated part of your life, you'll begin to find daily opportunities for using your newfound skills to help build and maintain your relationships.