Misuse of Power and Control in Relationships

 

Some relationships involve behaviour that is damaging to the other partner and, in some cases, may be criminal.

Healthy relationships should be based on equality and respect between partners.

When one partner uses tactics to control the other partner, it can be harmful to both parties. This control or power imbalance can take many forms, including intimidation, threats, 'stalking' behaviour, and physical abuse.
This usually results in one partner being frightened of another, leaving them feeling unsafe in the relationship.

What sort of behaviours can be called domestic or family violence?

Examples of  behaviours that constitute family violence include:

• Physical assault – punching, kicking, slapping, choking or using weapons against the victim. All threats of physical violence should be taken seriously.
• Sexual assault - any non-consenting (not fully agreed to by both partners) sexual act or behaviour; any unwanted or disrespectful sexual touch, rape (with or without threats of other violence), forced compliance in sexual acts, indecent assaults; and forced viewing of pornography.
• Using coercion and threats- telling the person she/he, the children, pets or property will be hurt or damaged.
• Using intimidation - making a person afraid by using looks, actions or gestures.
• Psychological/emotional/verbal abuse - using words and other strategies to insult, threaten, degrade, abuse or denigrate the victim.
• Using children, for example, by making the other parent feel guilty about the children; threatening to take the children away, or to report the partner to Child Protection authorities.
• Using visitation, following separation,  to harass the partner, using the children to relay messages.
• Using isolation - controlling what the partner does, who the partner sees and talks to, what she or he reads and where they go.
• Economic abuse - controlling and withholding access to family resources such as money and property.

Violence and Abuse in Relationships

Physical violence in intimate and family relationships is a serious criminal offence and is never acceptable as a response to conflict or provocation.

Once physical violence occurs in a relationship, it can easily become a pattern.  It often becomes more frequent, and usually becomes more serious the longer the relationship continues.  It can ultimately lead to serious injury, or even death.  Violence in an intimate or family relationship is a sign that the relationship is in crisis. It should be taken seriously and assistance should be sought.
If you feel unsafe or in danger, contact a domestic violence support service or the police.

Any form of violence and abuse in a relationship is a serious statement that things are not all right.

• Do you ever have trouble keeping your cool?
• Do you ever lash out verbally or physically?
• Do you ever use violence or abuse towards people you love?
• Are you a victim of violence or abuse?
• Can you recognise and admit there is a problem?
• Do you want to change?
• Do you want to have a safe non-violent healthy relationship?

If you said 'yes' to any of the above, getting relationship support about violence or abuse behaviour is important.

 

 

How The Counsellor could help you

Learn how to handle conflict more effectively and support you if violence is being used in your relationship

Everyone who is in a relationship or cares about their relationships may need assistance at some time to:

• help them deal with problems or difficulties in a relationship
• learn how to improve the relationship
• cope with a relationship that has broken down
• help to change a relationship where there is violence and abuse.

If you are having difficulty in resolving conflicts, and especially if there is violence involved, you can seek the professional assistance of a counsellor. Couples who are able to communicate effectively are more likely to be able to handle conflict constructively. A first step, therefore, might be to attend a course or workshop on communication skills in marriage or a relationship course for couples or parents.
Counselling Services
Relationships Skills Courses
Family Skills - Parenting Courses
Family Violence Prevention Services
Individual, couple and family counselling, and support.
Groups for people who have committed violence or abuse.
Groups for people who have been violated or abused.

If you feel you are in danger call the police or a domestic violence support service in your state or territory.